I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
