you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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