You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
