If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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