did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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