i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
