sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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