How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wanna bring you to show and tell
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
