My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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