I love black thongs
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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