Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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