in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
