Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
