normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
