I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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