the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
