If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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