I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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