yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
