Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
