she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
