What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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