I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
