note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
