I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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