just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
