you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
