another moral hangover. fuck.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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