Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
