Your mouth is God's brothel.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
