who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
