I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
