Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
