i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
