you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize