whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
