I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
