I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
