fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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