You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
