My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
