is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
