So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
