We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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