So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
