If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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