Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
