I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
