y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
