you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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