I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
