thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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