6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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