I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
