Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
