My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
