I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
