she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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