His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
