): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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