woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
