I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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