Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
