I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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