so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
