make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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