im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
