I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
