Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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